Worst engagement story

So disappointed

I know I am pushy. I know I set high expectations. I know I put a lot of pressure on him.

But I deserve the best. And he still smokes – for the pressure and stress. And I deserve a good proposal.

And it wasn’t good.

I have been pouting since Tuesday when the boy finally popped the question. I’m so sad, disappointed, angry, upset, insert next horrible feeling here, at how he did it. I know I put a lot of pressure on him to do a damn good job. And he did not deliver. And he absolutely should. And now he’s suffering for it.

So, exactly how did he do it?

I have been getting ready for the spring by planning what I’ll be growing in my garden this year. I bought an inexpensive greenhouse to start seeding herbs I want to grow. I put it together and we thought about watching a movie. And then he showed this video slideshow he put together. At the end, the screen reads, "Nhia Vang, will you marry me?"

He got down on one knee and asked, "So, will you?"

I looked at him and said, "Yes?" It was the weirdest feeling ever.

I know – so far it doesn’t sound bad. But I wasn’t happy. Or excited. His proposal did nothing for me.

Maybe it was the weird video we just watched. It was a slide show of random pictures, some photoshopped, and some repeated. You would think that in EIGHT years, we would have PLENTY of photos but no, that wasn’t worth his effort.

Or maybe it was that everyone keeps telling me he had these great ideas. And he didn’t care to use one of them. Instead, he asked for the approval of people who didn’t even know me.

Or that he didn’t even actually ask me. Or that he had absolutely nothing to say. Eight years and the guy who doesn’t even regularly tell me he loves me has nothing to say about what we mean to him, why he loves me or what we have to look forward to in our future.

Seriously. Nothing.

I don’t even want to be engaged.

I don’t want to plan for our life together.

I am not happy.

I asked him if this was the best he could do, because that’s what I was expecting. If that was the best he could do, we have a very sad, very long life ahead of us. Or do we? Seriously, this has me so tiffed, I wonder if it will all be worth it. I can’t have the wedding I want, or the rock I want, or the honeymoon I want, or the house I want. Why couldn’t he figure out a way to make the least inexpensive step in the process good?

It says a lot that our friend’s wedding video meant more to him that the video he was going to use to propose to me.

It says a lot that working on the website at work means more to him than us.

It says a lot that he decided in one day that this was the best he could come up with.

I am being so mean, dramatic and bratty. But I deserve it. I didn’t ask him to do anything special for Valentine’s Day – and I never have. Or any holiday for that matter. This is the one thing I’ve asked from him. This feels like the biggest disappointment ever.

This has seriously drained every drop of hope, happiness or excitement I’ve had about anything. I just want to cry and scream every time I think about it.

So, pout, I will do. And be mad, I will be.

I hope I feel better soon.